The main goal of the first meeting with the child is to achieve the opportunity for a second meeting. The primary condition for the initiation and continuation of the therapy process is making a human connection with the patient. This cannot be done in one meeting, and a relationship must be established so that the therapy process occurs.
I usually meet with the child in his home, in his room, and immediately look for the objects or themes that can help me connect to his world. I attempt to speak about subjects that are relevant to us both and we could have in common. This is a process of trust-building and is intended to give the child the impression that I have not come to cause dramatic changes in his life or for my own personal gain. This prevents defensive behaviour.
I do not ask him about his problems, or tell him what parents have reported me. The therapy process can only occur if he chooses to utilise me as someone who can help him.
I must be acquainted with the current icons and trends in modern children's worlds, and recognize them. I don’t necessarily support or approve of all these trends, but must be aware of their existence. Different child cultures exist, each having different ideologies, styles of appearance and behaviour. These are cultural aspects, which I must be aware of and understand and cannot be attained from reading academic literature in psychology. Insight into this influence on children's behaviour is attained by exposing myself to the environment of many different types of children and their families and becoming integrated into their lives. Understanding this cultural clan archetype aspect of the child's life is essential if I want to understand his behaviour. In the child's room, I have access to his world and connect to the aspects of his life which are important to him. I do not observe the child and his environment, like an adult looking in from the outside, with the outlook and agenda of a grown-up. From this standpoint, I can build a common arena with him for the continuation of the therapy process.
I make statements whose significance exhibit my understanding of the child's culture and mentality, such as “school isn’t the most important element of your life”. I may ask what the parents have told him about me, or what they promised him if he agreed to meet me. Depending on the situation, I may say that your parents are paying me but I’m working for you. I will do this if I feel it conducive to the continuation of the process, but if I think he’ll interpret it as a meaningless cliche, then I omit this statement.
Children that resist the most are usually those whose conflict with the parents is greater. But I must always consider that it is my failure to create a connection with the patient.
During adolescence, the influence of peers in our lives becomes increasingly important. From this time onwards the personality which we present to our peers outside the home is our true personality. Our personal image is moulded according to the reaction of our peers. Adolescents are influenced by a juvenile culture that is dominant during that period of time and is adopted by their peers. This culture is not temporary, but the adult world adopts this into their culture, as these teenagers grow up into adults. This is especially obvious in music, where the style of music which we enjoyed as teenagers is now considered acceptable in adult culture but is considered old fashioned by our children. The music teenagers listen to today will be the adult style of music in a few years time. Ethnocentricity means evaluating other peoples and cultures according to the standards of one's own culture. There is always a tension between cultures, members of each culture considering themselves to be superior to members of the other culture. In a similar manner, adults relate to teenage culture in a derogatory manner, consider it to be a temporary phase, and strive to prevent their children from being influenced by it and adopting behaviours from it. The generation gap is actually a difference in cultures, which is most often abused by society. Almost all parents abuse this cultural gap, and this is accepted by society as reasonable. However, the integration of an adolescent into a juvenile peer culture is a natural and healthy stage of development for the individual child. It is the parent's job only to supervise that it does not harm the health or security of the child. Furthermore, juvenile culture is vital to the development of the culture of the society in general, and its progress in fields such as education, art, fashion, music and technology.
The first two conversations, level of functioning at school. the choice supplies the products. He must t simply what the system needs. Current situation
Tension exists between the parents and child when there is a conflict between the capabilities of the child and the goals and expectations of the parents. Up to a specific age, the child wants to please the parents. He wants to act according to his requirements and desires but wants the parents to approve and support these goals. They don’t support everything he does, teaching him what he can and can't do - this is the socialization process. The ultimate conclusion will be to do with school and studies. the parents have to be the advocate between the teacher and children.
What the school demands from him and how easily he can do it - personal create, doesn't persistence How much time he has to invest in the project, if he completes tasks. Motivation dictates the rate of progress.
The discrepancy between the patient's goals and aspirations for the child and expectations, and the child's capabilities and requirement.
His motivation is what dictates his functioning, how easily he carried out tasks, how much he invests and how much he benefits. The patient observes all this and judges it according to his idea
The child is judged by his cooperation,
The parent gives validation to the child. The parent defines if the child is satisfactory or not and then the child feels that he is pleased with himself.
Sometimes the things children do are unacceptable and then the parents rightly don't approve. Not everything the child does is “right” and acceptable.
Sometimes the parents are sometimes surprised that the child isn’t functioning.
Children have capabilities and predispositions. They can't all be excellent students and can’t be good at everything.
All the tension and pressure that was on the child is obstructed by the therapist in the middle. The pressure is directed on the therapist instead.
The parents' aspirations dictate how the parent represent the child to the world. If not satisfied by him, they won't represent him appropriately to the world.
I try to present paradoxes to the parents about the child's behaviour in order to disprove their disproportionate exaggerated opinion about the child. there If what you say about the child is true, how is it possible that he is doing these good things?